Season 2, Episode 3: Encountering Death
In this episode, the hosts discuss death and encountering the possibility of death amid the ordinariness of our everyday life. Even when we are feeling protected or in control, safe and stable, the possibility of death is always present in our lives in myriad ways, and nothing can fully protect us from it. At any time, at any moment, we could die, and we know for sure that such a moment will arrive for each of us within a limited span of time. The breath of death is omnipresent in ourselves and in the world: from the decay and disintegration observed in the natural world, the ending of each day, the seasons of our lives, our aging, our losses, witnessing the death of loved ones or the death of our dreams to encountering our own death. As Heidegger wrote, as human beings we are “being-towards-death” and by turning towards and encountering our mortality we have the chance to live an authentic existence, appreciate and care for life, and find meaning and fulfillment in our existence. Ultimately, encountering the very real and certain possibility of our own death addresses us personally and invites us to take up our own existence and live fully and meaningfully.
Although thinking about death tends to elicit anxiety and it is very often avoided- particularly in the Western death denying culture- the awareness of our own mortality brings up critical existential questions: given that I will die for sure and my life is finite, how should I live? Am I living the way I want to or in a way that corresponds to myself? Am I living my life or someone else’s life? Reflecting on the possibility of our own death ultimately represents a reflection upon our life, how we live and what we care about. How we are investing our finite time and what matters to us. Viktor Frankl wrote that "The meaning of human existence is based upon its irreversible quality. An individual's responsibility in life must therefore be understood in terms of temporality and singularity". Realizing that we will die for sure one day, and that our life is limited and finite motivates us to live more authentically and meaningfully.
In clinical practice, we work with clients suffering from various forms of anxiety that typically can be traced back to a deep-seated fear of death, destruction of one’s life and integrity, or annihilation. Although the instinctive impulse when we are anxious is to avoid or turn away from what scares us, in existential therapy we see the anxiety and the fear of death or annihilation as rich opportunities to discover what matters for us most deeply and what we care for the most. In fact, in Existential Analysis, there is a therapeutic strategy to confront anxiety aptly called the “gate of death” that essentially is meant to encourage and support clients to confront their greatest fear which is usually connected with fear of death or annihilation. Instead of aiming to reduce the symptoms of anxiety, in EA we work phenomenologically with the experience of anxiety and strengthen the client’s capacity to confront their fear and live freely and authentically.
It is important to note that death does not mean only the demise of the physical body and the ending of our embodied life. There are events and circumstances that bring up and perpetuate deadly destruction and obliterate our trust, hope and integrity. Traumas of various kinds but especially relational traumas or being trapped in oppressive systems that harm the human dignity and hope are experienced as annihilating or deadly. Although there is one death of the body, there could be many deaths of the heart, and many people may experience death this way.
Encountering the possibility of death means encountering the chance to experience live more deeply, authentically, and meaningfully. Death is not the enemy to be fought or avoided but a faithful companion that is always by our side, always present, waiting for us to turn towards it and to respond to its invitation to take life seriously and live fully.
Suggested readings referenced in Episode 3:
Irvin Yalom - Staring at Sun
Martin Heidegger - Being and Time
Donald Kalsched - Trauma and the Soul
Suggested Film & TV referenced in Episode 3:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - The Tale of the Three Brothers
