Season 2, Episode 4: Encountering Desire
In this episode the hosts talked about desire, how we may encounter desire in our lives, the existential significance of desire, various issues that surround experiencing desire such as fear of desire, unfulfilled desires, lack of desire or invented desires, and how to cultivate and live our desires authentically and responsibly.
Desire is a fundamental capacity to be attracted or drawn to various things or people, or to experience yearnings for something or somebody that we might have not even met and yet speaks to us and calls our name. For the better or worse, desire is a powerful force in the human existence, a strong motivator, and a source of vitality. The power of desire has led to the creation of a lot of taboos, restrictions, and fears around this topic. Basically, all religions and spiritual practices have strict prohibitions regarding certain desires or desire in general. Fear and suspicion about our desires are typically instilled quite early in the process of socialization, and self-control, chastity and renunciation are proclaimed as virtues while desires tend to be treated as signs of weakness or are even demonized.
Notwithstanding some dangers associated with acting on our desires, from an existential perspective, desire points to how we are reached by and connect with life, and how alive we feel. It reveals what we truly want, our deepest heart passions. It discloses our truest longings and attractions even if we are not willing to admit those. This way, desire reveals us.
Desire is dynamic and it creates movement and striving within us. By alluring us towards something outside ourselves, desire invites us to leave our self-preoccupation and opens us up to encountering something outside ourselves that we experience as good or pleasurable. Desire creates a state of tension and a propensity that infuses our life with dynamism, zest, and direction: when we desire, we do not ask ourselves what we might need or want. We know what we want, and we want it intensely.
Lack of desire or avoiding our desires may lead to a flattened emotional life, chronic emotional tiredness, boredom, difficulties making decisions, and lack of fulfillment. Sometimes people are afraid of their desires or to acknowledge their desires out of anticipatory anxiety that they might not attain or might lose the object of their desires. Desire becomes then conflated with the attachment to an outcome and may turn into obsession and fear. This may happen to people who suffered great losses and feel that risking desiring is too vulnerable. Our capacity to desire is closely linked to our capacity to lose and suffer as a result. Without that capacity, our desires remain weak or are plagued with fear and insecurity. Desire binds us to the object of desire while grief dissolves these attachments and sets us free to desire again.
Unfulfilled desires may lead to chronic sadness and hopelessness which is turn may lead to chronic depression. Lack of desire may signal a disconnect or withdrawal from life, a feeling of unsafety and precariousness in our lives or an impoverished exposure to potential objects of desire such as pleasure, aesthetics, or values. Both lack of desire and unfulfilled desires disconnect us from life, from others and ourselves and undermine our vital power.
Paying attention to our desires is essential for a rich, vital existence and leads to deeper self-knowledge and authentic responsibility in our actions whereas negating our desires exposes us to mindlessly acting out and devitalizes our lives. Slowing down, asking ourselves “what do I like now in this situation” or “what attracts me”, taking our desires seriously to understand what moves us, realizing that desire does not commit us to acting on it and practicing separating desire from the preoccupation to obtain an certain outcome are some ways in which we can honour our desires.
Suggested readings referenced in Episode 4:
Joseph Campbell - Follow your bliss
Pleasure is good: How French children acquire a taste for life
