Ep. 3 - Illness Anxiety, Fear of Dying & Embodiment
Illness Anxiety & Fear of Dying
In this episode, we explore the topic of illness anxiety and fear of dying. Illness anxiety is refers to a person’s preoccupation with acquiring a serious illness, as well as experiencing high levels of anxiety surrounding one’s health. People who suffer from health anxiety will often interpret various body sensations as indicative of illness.
Where there is illness anxiety, there is often a fear of death and dying. We can further distinguish between the fear of dying and the fear of death. For some, the dying process may be frightening as people grapple with what it would be like to suffer pain consciously with the awareness their lives are drawing to an end. For others, it is more anxiety-inducing to think about death and what happens after we die. Therefore the process of becoming aware of and enduring something beyond our control brings its own terror that stands next to the terror of death. We discussed how sometimes death may be considered a relief when the dying process is difficult to endure.
We question more deeply how it would be for us to deal with the virus, bringing questions such as “can I trust my body to fight this virus?”. This questioning brought forth the reality that there is no cure, highlighting how common it is to reach for a cure or medicine to deal with sickness. This virus also highlights our aloneness: that only the body with its immune functions can with the illness.
This virus also raises acute awareness that we can die—that we are more fragile than we may assume given a certain level of comfort and safety in our day to day lives. In removing ourselves from nature, we forget the limitations and vulnerabilities of our physicality. That we too, essentially, are animals is a humbling realization. We often busy ourselves in our day-to-day lives, and it is often not until we are ill that we stop and become aware of our bodies.
Embodiment
When people suffer from illness anxiety, there is a feeling of being acutely aware of one’s body but not necessarily in relationship with the body. Illness may present an impetus to become aware of one’s body in a way that meets the body’s needs. Pain is our bodies’ way of providing information as to what is going on within. Embodiment is a shift in seeing our bodies as who we are and that the body is in communication with the self.
Thus the question arises: how can we not just be hyper aware of the body, but rather, live embodied? It seems that those who suffer from illness anxiety are paying attention to their body but not necessarily the right kind of attention. Instead of entering a dialogue where one asks, “what is the body telling me?”, the individual with illness anxiety often moves into catastrophic interpretation of the body’s signals. If we would like to reduce illness anxiety, we need to pay the right kind of attention to our bodies by broadening our view: ‘how does this sensation feel?’ or ‘what is this sensation telling me?’ as opposed to jumping to predetermined interpretation. We can respond to illness anxiety by being curious toward the sensation, really feeling the sensation. In other words, we can become curious about what it is before jumping to what it means.
Confronting our anxiety means to be open to what is, finding a place to rest in what is and being curious about it –rather than trying to control it or resist it. Anxiety is an opportunity to touch the ground—to get in touch with reality. Anxiety is about anticipation of what I have not experienced, rather than what we have already experienced, which is perhaps a crucial distinction between anxiety and fear (whereas we can fear something from previous negative experience of it, but with anxiety there is often no previous experience). We can counter anxiety but finding our support, whether it is the ground or the chair we are sitting in. We can also turn towards others for support, toward nature, or toward faith/spirituality. We can also look at other parts of our bodies which are functioning and the systems in the bodies we do not control which continue to support our existence as a means of responding to anxiety.
We only come to immunity of the virus by engaging with it, which is an important concept with anxiety: it is not about avoidance of anxiety but rather engagement with it that will help us deal with it. And this engagement does require courage. An incessant pursuit for safety can metaphorically, even literally, have a negative impact on our immunity. Sometimes we need to confront and fight in order to deal with anxiety.
Some recommendations in dealing with illness anxiety include:
Embrace anxiety as an existential given that is with us and for us, rather than believing the illusion that we have immunity to death.
We can also embrace our fears as a way of being human. Rather than distracting and trying to fix our situation to make it better, we can choose to engage with it, to make room for it with the understanding that anxiety can carry an important message for us.
We can change our attitude toward anxiety by recognizing that anxiety can extend an invitation to be in our bodies and come into relationship with it. Doing so allows us to feel our existence and the reality through the lens of being a body.
We can also have dialogue with ourselves around our deaths –what would it mean for us to die? And to die well? We may ease anxiety by allowing ourselves to turn toward the fact that we are finite beings.
Recommended Readings
The Psychology of the Sickbed by J. H. van den Berg
The Denial of Death by Ernest Becker
When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi
Staring at the Sun by Irvin Yalom